Advice Column #2- How to Impress your In-Laws

My last advice column was about parenting, and since I have been reflecting on the areas in which I shine, and can therefore impart knowledge, I have decided I can also give tips on being an awesome daughter-in-law.

The first thing you need to do is get a pet.  Many of my friends know about my complete lack of success with recent pets that my children have had, including the tragic loss (literally) of Brutus the dog and the euthenasia of Sully the hamster following his unfortunate run-in with a sticky trap.  So I was feeling pretty good that Mike, our remaining, if a little lonely, hamster was still doing well.   Mostly because any time my kids asked for another dog, I could cite that we already had a pet.  I occasionally let the kids put him in a hamster ball and let him roll around in the kitchen.  He almost went down the stairs once, but I caught him.  I did not, however, intervene soon enough last week.  We had a little friend of Maren's come over to play.  If any of you have hamsters that roll around in your house, be sure to define clearly to any three year olds that it is not an actual ball and should not be thrown across the room.  I failed to make this distinction and watched helplessly as Mike went sailing across the room in his ball.  He was a bit shaken upon landing, but seemed alright.  But he must not have been.

Last week Mike didn't get much attention.  But then, he never really does, lets be honest.  His water lasts 2-3 weeks, his food lasts 2-3 weeks, and he's really not that engaging.  He's usually more active at night and was going crazy-o in his spinning wheel.  I could hear him clearly on Wednesday night running in his wheel for most of the night.  Friday we went out of town, returning Saturday.  When we got back, Ryan and I had to go car shopping as we had been informed that our wrecked car was, in fact, a total loss.  (This is still a bummer for me.  I went to get the plates off of it yesterday and snuck Jared into the yard last night to see the wreckage.  We have lots of fun memories associated with that car.)  Anyway, we needed to shop for a replacement.  We were gone for several hours.

When we came home, my in-laws were visiting our home.  They had talked to the kids, realized we might be gone for a while, and stopped by to see if they needed any help making dinner.  So nice.  We happened to get home just a few minutes after they came over.  On our way upstairs, we passed Mike's cage.  My mother-in-law commented about how she couldn't tell where he was.  She asked about his food and water supply.  Really, just trying to show interest in the kids pet and let them show him to her.  Again, so nice.  Are you ready for the impressive part?  She jokingly pointed out again that she couldn't locate him, and maybe he was dead.  I came over to the cage to tap on it, which usually rousts him out of his nest so you can at least watch him run to a different corner to hide.  To my complete amazement.... he was actually DEAD.  He was up in the top part where I could see him and he wouldn't move to my tapping.  Jared came over to assess the situation, opened the cage and turned him upside down, where we could see that he was truly... stiffly... DEAD.

Not only had I allowed the demise of another pet, but I had failed to notice it for at least a day, possibly two.  Can you doubt the impression this gives?  It was truly one of my finer moments.   Now how will I avoid the requests for other pets?

Don't worry.  I will definitely keep working on ways to improve your lives based on my awesomeness and share them with you.